we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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