I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
