Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
