SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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