I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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