5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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