Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
