i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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