I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
