It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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