mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
