Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Randomize
