when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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