i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
