1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
