Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
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the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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