Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
