We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize