I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
