There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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