brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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