Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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