meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
