it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
