I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
