they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
