We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
