dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
