my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize