I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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