i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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