i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Dignity is for republicans.
So many bounce houses so little time
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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