Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
