I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
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It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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