Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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