I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
