I'm so fucking centered right now
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
