its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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