I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
