i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
