i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
