Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Randomize
