i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
