im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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