dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize