Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
