Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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