My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
