I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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