yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
