chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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