i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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