I murdered the dance floor call the cops
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
