We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
