She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
