I wannas sexs uuuuu
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
