a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
