So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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