you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
